Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Morning has broken

I am a morning person. I wake early. The sickness started in college and I've never shaken it. Even after a good night of beer, tequila and polaroids (in no particular order) I still will rise at near-dawn no matter what time I passed out.

Often people are divided in to two groups: Those who are morning peeps (MPs), and those who are not (NMPs). What always strikes me funny though, is the fundamental difference in approach between the two sectors.

The NMPs treat MPs like a disease. They believe anyone who wants to wake up early must have a sickness. If an NMP happens to accidentally awake during what THEY consider the early morning, they will glare at an MP as an act of placing effectual blame for their abbreviated sleepytime.

Morning Peeps on the other hand don't give a frig if an NMP sleeps until Nuclear Winter. In an act of incredible tolerance, most MPs will let the lazy shifty good for nothing NMP sleep off whatever hangover they have still rattling around in their pea-sized brain. We are kind gentle souls and we gain pleasure from seeing you waste precious hours drooling on a pillow. That is, unless the NMP has brought home very hot eye candy and the MP knows he can steal them while sober and the NMP only had a chance last night because he's the king of the roofie-coctail....

So the question arises. Why do all you damn Not Morning Peeps sleep for so cotton-pickin long? Can't you come correct and realize you are wasting precious hours that could be better utilized with fun activities like shaking your fists at the local youths, or making a nice pitcher of bloody mary's, or even playing a few missions of Grand Theft Auto?

Fine be that way. Glare at me while I scream at you to get up and get on with your life. I guess I'll never understand why you people insist on wasting the morning.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

As a NMP let me explain. I have a compulsion to fit one more thing in. Sometimes it is because I have gotten distracted and haven't gotten to my original task, and sometimes it's because I am in the zone and don't want to stop. So, I am late for appointments, and I am late for going to sleep. My sleep time is irregular, but probably about 8 hours.